【雅思作文批改】跑題還能拿5分，TA是怎麼做到的？

寫雅思作文的時候一定不要出現跳躍式的思維，就算是自認為再明白不過的道理，也要一步一步解釋清楚。

【雅思作文批改】跑題還能拿5分，TA是怎麼做到的？

今天給大家看看這位同學的雅思作文，總體得分5分，句式比較靈活，這是最大的得分點，不過有跑題，所以提醒大家寫的時候一定要看清楚題目，否則寫得再好也會得不償失。




作文題目:

Housing shortages in big cities can have severe consequences. only government action can solve the problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

作文內容：


We can hear people complaining about the price of housing in big cities all over the world. It seems that real estate markets go mad and consumers have no way in this matter. As housing is a basic need, governments must get involved to curb the high price of housing and make sure the markets fair.

It is not difficult to understand that housing price going up without any control would cause a property-value bubble. When the bubble bursts and the prices fall violently, many people fall into the situation of financial crisis; social crisis is not far from then. Hence, the government hasve to control the housing price to prevent such thing from happening.

Also considering that there are many some people with low incomes in any city，i. It is too hard for them to buy expensive real estate when their salaries are not high. Of course, governments should be responsible for citizens' basic housing requirements and set reasonable limits on prices.

If governments do not act, the consequences could be severe. If the price continues increasing, the poor are forced to leave big cities ，and leaving[A1] e the rich live there lonely;[A2] it can not be imagined. All people deserve affordable housing.

Housing is a basic human right, like food and water, but if the government is absent, it will be a privilege only for the rich. As a result, governments should step in and place reasonable controls on the real estate market.


【A1】如果不變成非謂語形式，則此句缺主語，改後就變成結果狀語
【A2】分號前後大致含義是一致的，此處it can not be imagined可以直接提前合併成一個句子，此處太囉嗦

總體評價：





針對問題最大的一點指出問題：

審題。注意題中的是是否只有政府能解決，而本文説的是政府該參與解決，這完全是兩個立意。建議可以捎帶其他的解決方案，然後否定他們，自圓其説。



附批改原圖：







END